he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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