We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
