its not stalking. its research.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
