Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
