just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize