tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
