he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
