So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
