party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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