Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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