Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
