These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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