i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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