Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
