wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
