He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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