Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drake has all the answers
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My vagina just clenched in fear
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
