just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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