So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
