I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
