So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
