awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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