Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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