oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
