dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
