Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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