To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
