I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My balls are so social today.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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