just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
