no, he came in my armpit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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