K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have aggressive nipples.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
