I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
