i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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