This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
