I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
