Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
