omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
