So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's blow job season.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
