I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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