I can text with my tongue
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
