She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
