someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His hands were made for my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
