So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
