My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
