Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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