dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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