he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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