dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
