Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think my fart just growled at me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
