The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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