i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
