____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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