I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
