She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
