Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
