You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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