Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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