how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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