If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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