if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
