we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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