so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
