dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
